Why Time Alone Doesn't Heal A Broken Heart (And What A Relationship Counselor Says Helps Instead)

If everyone keeps telling you to "just get over it" and you still can't, there is nothing wrong with you. There is a reason it still hurts, and there is a better way through it than waiting.

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It is late, the house is quiet, and you are scrolling back through old messages again. You know it won't help. You do it anyway, because for a few minutes it feels like they are still there.

Then the morning comes, and so does the advice. "Time heals all wounds." "You'll meet someone better." "You just need to get over it." The people saying it love you and want you to feel better. But when you are the one lying awake replaying every conversation, those words can leave you feeling even more alone.

Penny Price has spent over 20 years as a relationship counselor, and she has sat with thousands of people going through heart-shattering breakups. She says the first thing they need to hear is very simple. The pain is real, and it is not your fault.

The Pain Is Not "All In Your Head"

According to Penny, what you feel after a breakup is a genuine human response to loss. It is mental, it is emotional, and it is even chemical. If you truly loved someone, you cannot switch that love off just because the relationship is over, and nobody should expect you to.

There isn't one, and Penny is honest about that. That is exactly why "waiting it out" fails so many people. Some push the hurt down, put on a brave face and carry a quiet hole in their heart for years. Others get stuck in what Penny calls a "sadness rut", where every day looks a lot like the one before.

If you nodded at even one of those, please don't be hard on yourself. Penny's words on this are kind: we have all been there. What matters is that there is another way, and you do not have to drag the pain out for months or years.

What Actually Helps

Penny's approach is not about pretending you are fine. It is about understanding what is happening to you, and then moving through it on purpose, with kindness towards yourself. Here are a few of the ideas she teaches.

• Be gentle with yourself. It is okay to feel sad. You deserve to feel every emotion that is running through your head and your heart right now, without apologising for it.
• Know what the five stages of grief really mean. When you understand the stages, the emotional rollercoaster, from sudden highs to horrible lows, stops feeling so frightening.
• Find your "Breakup Sponsor". One steady person in your corner can make a real difference. Penny calls this person your Breakup Sponsor, and she explains why you need one now.
• Be careful about contact with your ex. She explains when contact is fine and when it simply keeps the wound open.
• Never settle for second best. She even covers what to do if your ex asks to get back together, so you can decide from a place of strength instead of loneliness.

Her aim is to help you honor what you shared while you look forward to a bright future, and to rediscover a happier, more confident you along the way. In her own words, she wants to help you move through your breakup "to discover a newer, better and more loving and loveable you."

Start With Her 5 Key Principles

Penny has recorded a short video that walks through the 5 key principles to getting over your ex and how to be happy again. Whether your breakup came as a total surprise, was mutual, or was your own choice, it is worth a few quiet minutes. Find somewhere you won't be interrupted, and listen to every word.

Watch Penny's Free Video

The 5 key principles to getting over your ex, and how to be happy again.

Watch The Video Now →

The video plays on Penny's own website, survivalafterseparation.com.